Current:Home > MyRelationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life -SecureWealth Bridge
Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
View
Date:2025-04-13 06:16:58
Don't text back too soon, or you'll seem desperate. Don't wait too long to text, or they'll lose interest. And don't ever, ever send two text messages in a row.
There are a lot of rules people set for themselves when it comes to the early stages of dating, particularly in an era when dating apps have upended the norms of how most singles meet and mingle.
Many of these self-imposed regulations, however, can actually hinder your chances of finding a healthy romance, according to relationship experts.
"Relationships are contextual," says relationship therapist Kimberly Moffit. "You have to understand the context of your 'situationship' or relationship and use your instincts, as opposed to just always following rules."
Here are some common dating "don't's" that experts encourage daters to let go of:
'Don't text back too soon (or too late)'
Text anxiety has become a staple of online dating. "Am I writing too much? Too little? What if I respond too quickly, and they think I have no life?"
Yes, it's probably wise not to drop everything going on in your life to respond immediately. But you also don't have to feign being busy.
"In dating, someone's going to figure out who you are eventually," Moffit says. "If you're a naturally busy person and you have stuff going on, there's going to be times where you take a few hours to respond and then there's going to be other times where you're there and you get into more of a texting conversation."
Bottom line, she says: Respond when you have time and when it feels natural to do so.
Dating burnout is real:How to find love while protecting your mental health
'Don't date more than one person at a time'
How about: Don't put all your eggs in one basket instead. Celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray says there's no need to cut yourself off from other connections if you're still in the early stage of dating someone new, what she calls the courting process.
"It takes a while to get to know somebody, so if you're going to invest all your time in one relationship, and then it doesn't work out, then you're back to ground zero," she says. "It's OK to be hanging out with two or three people to see who is actually consistent, because after a while you'll really know somebody's true colors."
More:How to start a good conversation on a dating app. Online dating advice from relationship experts
'Don't compromise on (superficial) standards'
Moffit and Ray agree: Many daters are far too strict about the type of person they're willing to go out with, leading them to rule out great options over superficial standards like height, location, education level or occupation.
Moffit encourages people to stay open-mind about these things. After all, you could have great chemistry once you meet in person.
"It's a personal decision of course with dating, but I do feel like it just restricts people that if you met them in the wild, you might just really love them," she says, adding you learn more about your attraction to someone from sensory information, such as the way they talk and move, than from information on a dating profile.
More:Videos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other
'Don't bring up politics or religion (or anything interesting) on the first date'
Politics, religion and other controversial topics tend to be viewed as off-limits for early dates; however, they're important issues that can reveal someone's values and spark interesting discussion.
Moffit says it's OK to share views that are important to you early in dating, as they can deepen your connection and inspire conversation beyond the typical, 'So, what do you do?' banter.
"People do say things like, 'Avoid politics. Avoid business. Avoid religion. Avoid existential conversations,' " Moffit says. "The best first dates have a lot of deep conversations. How else are you going to get to know somebody and connect if you can't talk about the things that matter to you?"
Plus, if any of these issues do prove to be deal-breakers, isn't it better to be upfront about them sooner rather than later?
"You might have to turn off 80% of people in order to really appeal to the 20% who are the fit," Moffit says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (8)
Related
- Former longtime South Carolina congressman John Spratt dies at 82
- Climate change threatens nearly one third of U.S. hazardous chemical facilities
- Let Adam Brody Be Your One and Only Source Into How He Met Leighton Meester
- Save 50% On This Tarte Lip Gloss/Lip Balm Hybrid and Get Long-Lasting Hydration With a Mirror-Like Shine
- San Francisco names street for Associated Press photographer who captured the iconic Iwo Jima photo
- Why Thailand's legal weed is luring droves of curious but cautious Asian tourists
- Israel hit by huge protests as Netanyahu's judiciary overhaul moves forward
- Europe has designs on making the 'fast fashion' industry more sustainable
- Taylor Swift Eras Archive site launches on singer's 35th birthday. What is it?
- Should Big Oil Pick Up The Climate Change Bill?
Ranking
- EU countries double down on a halt to Syrian asylum claims but will not yet send people back
- Should Big Oil Pick Up The Climate Change Bill?
- Elton John testifies for defense in Kevin Spacey's sexual assault trial
- Home generator sales are booming with mass outages, climate change and COVID
- The 401(k) millionaires club keeps growing. We'll tell you how to join.
- How to keep yourself safe during a tornado
- Kevin Spacey refutes sexual assault allegations in U.K. trial, calls relations with 1 accuser romantic
- In a place with little sea ice, polar bears have found another way to hunt
Recommendation
What were Tom Selleck's juicy final 'Blue Bloods' words in Reagan family
Pilot says he jumped into ocean to escape New Zealand volcano that killed 22
North Korea launches ballistic missile, South Korea says, two days after claiming to repel U.S. spy plane
Kourtney Kardashian Mistaken for Sister Khloe During Drunken Vegas Wedding to Travis Barker
At site of suspected mass killings, Syrians recall horrors, hope for answers
Vanderpump Rules to Air New Specials With Alums Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright
Large swaths of the U.S. set daily temperature records
The Bachelor's Rachel Recchia and Genevieve Parisi Share Coachella Must-Haves